What are you worth?
Detaching and decoupling for personal freedom
If I asked you, 'What are you worth?', you might instinctively start crunching numbers—salary, net worth, assets and liabilities. But is that really the measure of a human being? If you thought this was going to be some new financial framework - I’m sorry to disappoint.
(Image of crinkled wad of money)
When you understand that the above is NOT a self portrait, things start to change.
Rethinking Worth: Beyond Salary and Numbers
There have been companies that told me ,"we can’t afford you” but still found a way to make it work and other companies that have lowballed me. If I relied on anything outside of myself to determine my worth and value, I might as well be a stock - jumping up and down throughout my career - $70k, the next few months $500k, $0 or maybe $150k. I’ve been writing more about how I uncoupled my identity from my traditional corporate jobs. I no longer wanted to ride the volatile roller coaster. Check out this poem I wrote about the volatility of life.
There were times when I kicked myself in the behind for not negotiating more and standing up for myself more in certain jobs in some misguided hope that they would value me the way I saw fit (even if I didn’t have a clear vision).
Luckily, everything worked out as it should have because -
For example, when I quit Big tech: if I had been paid any more than I was it would have been that much harder to leave and it was already HARD. Senior execs and broader team members told me I should and could have asked for more. Despite getting great performance reviews, I didn’t feel like I was enough nor did I feel I was compensated appropriately. Stuck between a rock and a hard place that I don’t wish on anybody.
I had to face the reality that I was in the wrong place and asking the wrong people
I firmly believe that everything I’ve ever lost or missed out on comes back to me in some way shape or form - if the money was mine. It has and will always come.
Discovering True Value: Identity, Purpose, and Self-Worth
If I ask my family & friends my worth - they are going to say PRICELESS
If I ask my dog my worth - he’s going to stay PRICELESS x INFINITY
At my decade mark of traditional work in 2021, it hit me like a ton of bricks. I believed this falsehood about my worth being so strongly tied to my salary and as a result, title chasing. I realized this came at the cost of my physical and mental health, which wasn’t worth it. Life has been more fruitful pursuing things that give me fulfillment and things come much easier in alignment.
The jobs I held would fill my shoes as soon as possible but the role I play with my loved ones could never be replaced.
Even in malpractice cases, where families are awarded millions, money never replaces a life.
As humans, we can get so attached to the tangible but I started to go inward and work on things that can’t be measured in the physical such as kindness, creativity, resilience, or my impact on society. I started focusing on spending my time and energy on things that I valued like pursing my faith, painting, gardening, decorating and so much more. I define myself now by things that nourish my being and sure, the numbers are there and they DO matter, but they are no longer part of my core identity.
If you’re not getting paid much, it doesn’t mean you’re lesser than and if you’re getting paid more, it doesn’t mean you have more value or right to behave a certain way. It’s simply a part of your personal journey - we see poor people’s lives change overnight when they win the lottery. We see celebrities and successful people lose everything in a scandal or bad investment.
SO.
SAY. IT. WITH. ME
“I am not a stock.”
I also realized I was asking myself the wrong question - not what I’m worth but what is my value? When I left Big tech and started exploring new roles, I started asking my self not what they are willing to pay me, but what would it take for me to want to do xyz for this company. It might be semantics but I’m very choosy about my words.
Worth vs. Value: What’s the Difference?
Worth
Refers primarily to the monetary or market price of something.
Indicates how much something can be sold for or what someone is willing to pay for it.
Is often fixed or agreed upon by the market at a specific time.
Example: "This painting is worth $400" means that is the amount someone would likely pay for it in the market.
Value
Goes beyond just money; it includes emotional, personal, or subjective importance.
Can be unique to each person, depending on their relationship or connection to the object or idea.
Is more flexible and can change from person to person or over time.
Example: "This painting has great value to me" might mean it has sentimental significance, even if its market worth is low.
I’m sure you’ve heard it all the time:
Your value doesn’t decrease based on someone’s inability to see your worth.
The reality is, we negotiate and get paid for the work we contribute to an organization, but when we start saying “I’m getting paid to do x,y,z and that is what the work is worth” versus “They are paying me because this is what I’m worth” - you can detach and remove your identity from being so intertwined. One perspective is about the work, while the other makes it about you. Even if you love your work and you’re getting compensated fairly, it’s still healthy to adjust your mindset - because as much as we might not want to admit - it’s all temporary.
Be around people who want to fan your flame and not dim your light. Who are excited to see you and who strongly believe in you and your dreams. When I’m coaching people, I always tell them not to just look for a job - look for a leader that values you and sees your talent. Your entire experience will stem from this.
—Today’s Challenge:
Strip away your job title, income, and possessions. What’s left?
Write down 5 qualities, skills, or experiences that define your value — not your worth.
Let me know what you think.
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With love,
Sasha Mack