When fear holds you back and breaking through
I am way overdue to write this - It’s been sitting in me since 2023 along with a wide range of other things.
I need to talk about fear.
I remember a deep conversation I had with a dear friend about fear in 2023. 2023 was the year of my mantra “DO NOT MAKE FEAR BASED DECISIONS” or “DO NOT BE LED BY FEAR”. This was freeing.
It took constant internal coaching and self check-ins. I decided I had differentiate the types of fear that I was experiencing.
Fear 1: completely valid like running away from bear. You need the fight or flight to avoid certain truly dangerous situations.
Your mind says -
“This feeling is here to keep me safe - I should listen to it.”
“My body is giving me important information right now.”
Fear 2: fear based in insecurities, thoughts and assumptions that would lead to avoidant behavior, even if I genuinely wanted to do something but talked myself out of it. For example, not attending an event because I was afraid of being judged by people there. Completely unproductive.
Other thoughts include: “ I can’t leave this job, I don’t have other options”
Your mind says -
“This fear is based on stories I’m telling myself, not facts.”
“What would I do if I knew I couldn’t fail or be judged?”
Fear 3: fear as excitement. I’m genuinely afraid but moreso of how big or excited a new opportunity could be. This involves slight hesitation but overall its a unique feeling of anticipation. This one could feel like a job offer you never expected or maybe the news that you’re having a baby. One of my clients said it like this:
Your mind says -
“This nervous energy means something amazing is happening.”
“I’m scared because this matters to me and has real potential.”
On the same vein, this week, I heard a talk about procrastination. It put the fire under my behind. Essentially procrastination is the fear of action. If I’m honest with myself, it’s true - for me. I’m afraid of the outcomes and the follow ups that come with actually following through because it can mean more responsibility and more accountability on the other side. However, I need to remember that I’ll also be more more equipped to handle what comes and be that much stronger too.
So, What to do instead
Be aware of your feelings: Be aware of how you’re feeling but don’t let it lead you. Distinguish and label what type of fear you’re experiencing. Journal and process - investigate outcomes as you pursue your goals.
Practice pushing through what you are afraid of: I started to do things that were uncomfortable. For example, taking comedy classes - I had friends and even mentors that told me they didn’t have the courage to put themselves out there in that way.
Positive self-talk: In 2023, when I decided to live out that year’s mantra - to not be led by fear - I made a lot of major life changes. 2020-2025 has been a huge transformation for me. It didn’t come without two things 1) asking myself, why I was afraid of? and 2) Coaching myself through hard things. I didn’t realize how much I talk to myself out loud until my summer intern mentioned that I talk to myself out loud? I literally say “you can do this”, take a deep breath and make a play by play of a situation.
For example, deciding to live alone for the first time in my life. I was afraid of all the time and energy it took to not only set up my home, but then to sit in it myself, with my thoughts, and with God.
What are you afraid of?
💌
— Sasha Mack